Tag Archives: dominatrix

Recent Video Shenanigans

Hello, internet. As festive tradition dictates, I’ve been struck down by lurgy and terrible asthma for most of winter, so updates have been a bit scarce. Apologies if you’ve sent an email over the past few weeks. I’ll get round to replying when I’m fully recovered. If this isn’t sufficient, then feel free to buy me a holiday somewhere warm where I’ll be better at breathing.

Meanwhile, here‘s a link to lots of videos I’ve uploaded recently. Highlights include mocking a man whose genitals resemble a Clanger, destroying a couple of chaps with the help of Ms Nikki and Kitty Bliss, shoving my bare feet repeatedly into a bound and blindfolded man’s mouth and electrocuting some testicles. Click here to see more.

What it Takes

I found the following article from Slate.com uncomfortable. It could just be that it’s written by Katie Roiphe – who is somewhat adept at misrepresenting and generalising the kinks, politics and beliefs of others – but the Domme interviewed appears not to enjoy her lifestyle very much. When she herself speaks, she seems fairly positive about her work. However, like Play-Doh through a scowling plastic Fun Factory hole, the majority of her words may have been squashed through the filter of Roiphe’s interpretation before reaching the page. After all, the most damning points are not direct quotes. The article portrays a lifestyle that is far more sinister than the majority of us – perhaps including the Domme herself – experience. Here’s a snippet to serve as an example:

‘..Sessions are exhausting because you are managing someone else’s fantasy. Alexis describes it as “walking on eggshells upon eggshells.” She watches her subs very closely, for a glance averted, a flicker of an eyelid, tension in shoulders, for the slightest alterations in body posture, for signs that she is going too far or not far enough or in the wrong direction. She is intuiting the fantasy from them, almost drawing it out of their bodies, and she has to be fluid, shifting, perfectly responsive. These guys, she says, are about to blow.
What is striking in her description is that it is the slaves who sound dangerous. The way she talks about it, it is like there is an explosion that she is working around, managing, navigating, negotiating. She compares it to being with mental patients on a ward without guards.
Alexis describes the sadomasochistic drama as being organized around the idea of not facing what there is to face; the whole structure of the fetish replaces any kind of rigorous introspection. She says, “It’s like these guys walk in and need surgery, and we are giving them a massage.
“Is it acting? Well, yeah. But to be good at a role, it has to be you. And this one comes very naturally to me.” She says, “It’s a way to get out my anger, and I don’t feel bad for them because I have this 6-foot-tall man standing in front of me, and I am like poor you. Poor fucking you. … I mean they could get up at any moment and punch me in the face. Game over.”
I wonder if with her particular array of skills and talents, she is ever tempted to find a rich sub who would buy her an apartment. But for some reason this fantasy doesn’t work for Alexis. Even the idea of a rich boyfriend who buys her presents somehow ruffles her, and when in a former life she did have rich boyfriends buy her presents, she didn’t want them, thinking “What am I, your doll?” For her being dependent on a man is as repellent and unthinkable as what she does would seem to many of the stay-at-home moms sipping $11 lattes at D’Ambrosios on Madison Avenue…’

Click here for the full article and make up your own mind.

Femsub, Femdom and Feminism

Last week’s pseudo-scientific load of arse came courtesy of Newsweek. Its cover story presumed that it’s the advancement of feminism that has led to the increased popularity of femsub fiction, television and film. Well, yes: Feminism allows individual women to explore and embrace whatever their own sexual peccadilloes may be, whether femsub, femdom or any range of possible scenarios. However, the article appears to assume that a woman’s natural role is that of the submissive, and that the presumably amorphous hive-mind of female sexuality has embraced these sexual surrender fantasies to counter the rise of those eeeevil feminazis and their man-crushing, cock-blocking, ball-busting, misandrist bids for gender equality at work. ‘It is perhaps inconvenient for feminism that the erotic imagination does not submit to politics, or even changing demographics,’ writes the article’s author, Katie Roiphe. Oh dear.

In response to this article, Dana Goldstein wrote a brilliantly sensible article for The Nation on Feminism and Sadomasochistic Sex, and here’s a snippet:

‘…Why assume, as Roiphe seems to, that some authoritative brand of feminism was ever supposed to lead to human beings losing their curiosity about power play during sex, which is, after all, a physical act? And while more women than men may tend toward submission—in part because Western culture fetishizes male strength and female fragility—one certainly can’t generalize. People of all genders harbor the fantasy of, as one sex researcher put it, “the wish to be beyond will, beyond thought”—thus surrendering power to a trusted partner. And there is anecdotal evidence that publicly powerful people of both sexes are especially prone to these fantasies, as a release from the stresses of their day-to-day work lives. Here’s how one professional dominatrix describes it:

“I like to find out what a man does for a living. I see a lot of Wall Street types who go for bondage and humiliation. Lawyers, actors and entertainment executives never shut up. I have to gag them right away if I’m to have any peace. True masochists are rare—they’re usually police and ex-military. These men are such show-offs about how much pain they can take. I end up acting the role of a sadistic drill instructor, breaking canes and riding crops on their backs, which gives me a certain confidence in our armed forces.”

I will admit that feminism’s forward march contributes to some people’s interest in S&M. Gender roles are more fluid than ever, and there are no longer strict rules about how men and women should act in the realms of dating and romance. There is certainly an appeal to retreating to a sexual space in which roles are much clearer.

Sadomasochism is problematic if one partner is doing it just to please the other and feels hurt by it. But I don’t think truly consensual S&M complicates women’s demands for full equality, or provides evidence of some anti-feminist backlash among the urban educated class that is consuming work like “Girls,” “Secretary” and Fifty Shades of Grey. Because many women now assume a certain level of egalitarianism at work and at home, they feel more comfortable experimenting sexually…’

Read the full, very-bloody-good article here.