Tag Archives: dominatrix

Vine-Ripened, Fairtrade Porn

Leave a reply

Here’s a little chunk of an article I wrote for Sabotage Times this week:

“There’s a lot of pornography out there. From the moment one of our ancient ancestors thought to scrawl a picture of a spunking cock on his (or her) cave wall, humans have sought to depict their sexual desires in paintings, prose and any other medium that science has since progressed to make possible – after all, the porn industry has always been at the sweaty, panting forefront of modern technological advances. Some people like to be aroused vicariously, while some people like to exhibit themselves as the masturbatory muse of an unseen audience. Some people like to do both. This has been the case throughout the history of every known civilisation. From high art, through niche kink, to raw, basic wank-fodder, porn takes a whole spectrum of forms. Why, then, is the modern debate about porn reduced to a binary argument about whether porn – any porn at all – is a good or bad thing?

Again, there’s a lot of pornography out there. Some is exploitative, depressing and degrading for both those involved in making it and those doggedly struggling to bash one out in front of it. Yet some porn is quite the opposite – some porn can be a deeply satisfying experience, both to create and to view. Good porn exists for you, whatever your gender identity, orientation and personal peccadilloes may be. This is rarely addressed in any mainstream debate, however.

One such debate occurred recently on BBC2’s Jeremy Vine Show. I must point out that, without exception, every Jeremy Vine Show discussion and phone-in I’ve ever heard has resulted in my descent into immediate, weeping, face-clawing despair. Aside from the comments section of the Daily Mail website, the demographic that contributes to Vine’s discussions is the one that most shakes my faith that the human race has advanced at all since the times of those cock-drawing cavemen…”

Read the rest here, and please do rate it 5 stars to make me feel all warm, snuggly and thoroughly validated.

Dommes and the Daily Mail

1 Reply

Being a Pro-Domme is all about discretion. Even blackmail fantasies have to involve elements of consent and responsibility. People who “out” their clients to the press for whatever reason give us all a bad name. Be reassured that the majority of Dommes harbour such hatred toward the tabloid press that, when linking to today’s annoying story, I have used the cached istyosty link so that your click won’t boost the Daily Fail’s advertising revenue.

A brief look at the story would plant the assumption that a Pro-Domme filmed her client, a cosmetic surgeon, for the purposes of blackmail, then leaked the footage to the press and General Medical Council. However, we must remember that this is the Mail.

A more detailed read hints that the incident had no connection to her having been a (retired) Dominatrix. She was this man’s patient and, for reasons that nobody quite explains, he wanked himself into a frenzy in front of her several times while she was on his treatment table. He then sent her a lot of sexually explicit text messages. It is not clear whether she provoked these actions, or even consented to them. On one occasion, she covertly filmed him masturbating, apparently with the intention of using it as evidence to get him struck off from his post. Her husband instead attempted to blackmail the surgeon with this footage, and was later jailed. The woman was cleared of any charges.

This, then, is the story of a doctor who took bedside manner to an inappropriate level, a husband’s failed attempt at blackmail, and a woman whose role in the affair – whether a victim, a perpetrator, or anywhere in between – had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the fact she used to be a Dominatrix. Yet this is the Daily Mail. The sort of sneering glance that most readers give it would convey only that we Pro-Dommes are all duplicitous, money-grabbing, fame-hungry whores. Myth perpetuated, the print presses whir and the world continues to spin as normal. Thanks a fucking lot, Mail.

In unrelated news, anti-defamation protesters are meeting outside the Mail’s Kensington headquarters RIGHT NOW. Do pop along if you fancy making yourself heard.

Bad Feminist

4 Replies

Hey! Look! Ms Slide has written a piece for Bad Feminist UK!

Original article here.

‘…Bashing the patriarchy, one scrotum at a time?

Pro-Domme Ms Slide gives her unique insight into being a feminist Dominatrix.

“What do your clients make you do?” asks yet another curious woman, when told what I do for a living.

Of course, I have never been made to do anything. On the contrary. I get to do exactly what I choose, and I get to choose exactly who I do it with. Being a Pro-Domme is all about being in control. If it were any other way, the dynamic would be completely skewed. Yet when a woman embraces her own desires, whether sexually, socially or otherwise, it is assumed that she must only be doing it for the sole benefit of a man.

Yes, I’m a Dominatrix. It’s a job and lifestyle full of contradictions, and over the past decade it’s given me many reasons to pause, scratch my head and philosophise about gender, power and the nature of desire. Granted, this may sound a bit pompous coming from someone who smacks people around for a living.

There’s a widely-held assumption that any woman in this industry must have been mindlessly cajoled into a career like this, that she has probably been trafficked or pumped to the gills with heroin by some shadowy male Svengali and can’t possibly be in control of her own ambitions or sexuality. However, this simply isn’t so.

Much as a lot of what I do is a titillation of sorts, there is no actual sex involved. For me, as for many people, BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism) is more complex than something exclusively genital. For me, BDSM is the tumbling thrill that topples the mind, the tingle down the spine and the glorious lurch of excitement in the stomach. It’s the same urge we get to ride roller-coasters, watch horror films or turn a favourite song up to full volume. There’s something deeply primal about it.

I like to be worshipped, both as myself and as someone representing an archetype that I think is missing in many areas of society. I like to play the role of a Goddess. Of course, girls are brought up not to have these delusions of grandeur, and obviously I don’t consider myself any more divine than any other mortal woman, yet I find play-acting the role thrilling. The majority of my clients, especially those brought up within the most strictly patriarchal versions of Christianity and Islam, come to me through an overwhelming urge to serve a powerful female. The world is uncomfortably masculine, especially when it comes to sex and spirituality. There’s a woman-shaped gap in many people’s perception of power.

At Femdom events such as Club Pedestal and Luxe, both men and women can live, albeit temporarily, in a world where the female is adored. Even in the contrived setting of a BDSM scene event, I feel it addresses the imbalances that we’ve been conditioned to ignore in our normal lives. Dommes are treated with the kind of deference and respect that men normally only reserve for one another. I feel that society would be a far fairer place if gents outside the world of fetish and fantasy I inhabit could grant their womenfolk the same level of admiration.

I certainly consider myself a feminist. People often misconstrue what I do as a hatred of men – as if I’m bashing the patriarchy, one scrotum at a time. This isn’t the case. I have a deep affection for the men (and occasionally women) I play with and it’s important that we both get something out of our time

together.

I may have spent this afternoon punching a gentleman’s testicles for my own amusement, and – to a lesser extent – his, but I don’t think a woman has to be sexually dominant to be a feminist. A sexually submissive woman isn’t betraying the sisterhood at all, if that’s what she’s into, whether she’s bottoming to a man or to another woman. If a woman has the courage to embrace her own fantasies, whether dominant, submissive or anywhere in between, I would deem her feminist principles to be firmly intact…’

Original article here.