Tag Archives: tabloids

Morality Check

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In the wake of the Max Mosley affair, a new perversion has come to light. It’s a fetish that, I suppose, has always been around. Yet until now, it’s been confined to the shadowy corners. We hear it muttered and sighed across middle-class living rooms that smell of furniture polish and buttoned-up, sweaty repression. On rare occasions, it’s banded bawdily across the pubs, between emphatic thumps on the bar with tightly-clenched fists. Semi-comprehensible blurts appear on message boards, furtively typed in the Have-Your-Say section of the BBC News website. Oh yes my friends, that’s right – the real “English Disease” is the kink for moral outrage.

The wank-fodder is right there, in full view, in front of every corner shop, petrol station and news stand: “SICK NAZI ORGY!” shrieks the first headline; “HOOKERS!” the front pages promise; “MADDIE, DRUGS, MURDER, MUSLIMS, KNIVES, SHAME, EVIL, PAEDOS, TERRORISTS, IMMIGRANTS, SEX, SEX, SEX, and more SICK, NAZI SEX, PHWOAAARRR!” shout the rest in a cacophonous chorus of Right-Wing hysteria.

And just as the mainstream sexual fantasies of mens’ magazines – normally perky blondes who don’t grow pubic hair, have naturally airbrushed bodies, and are always up for a foreplay-free fucking – thrive for those who dearly want to believe them, the stunning factual inaccuracies of the morally outraged are printed and absorbed into the consciousness of a public who crave shock and fury, regardless of truth.

Firstly, I should point out that Max Mosley did NOT have a sick Nazi orgy with five hookers. None of the women were prostitutes*, there was no actual orgy, no Nazi theme, and it was not, in my opinion at least, sick. Just as the white English middle-classes are not a persecuted minority, paedophilia, violence, and scary foreigners are no more rife today than they have been for centuries, and the PC Brigade aren’t (and never have been) trying to steal Christmas and replace it with something called “Winterval”. However, mundane reality doesn’t get in the way of a satisfying moral rant-wank for the English complainer.

“We’re going to hell in a handcart!” squeals Mrs N. Petersfield gleefully from behind her stall at the village fete, showering saliva and vitriol across her wares and her audience.

“Throw away the key! Bring back hanging! Send ’em back! String ’em up! Bring back National Service!” snorts Disgusted Of Oxfordshire, rubbing his thighs with his clammy hands as he types, in explicit, barely-literate detail, what he’d like done with hoodies, asylum seekers, single mothers on benefits and, basically, anyone he doesn’t like.

“It’s an outrage!” puffs a retired Mr D. Hornett of Surrey as he masturbates furiously into a golf sock. “An outrage! A RUDDY OUTRAGE! AAAAAH!”

So, next time you’re drawn in by a headline that riles you, just examine what it is that made you want to read it in the first place. Remember that the moral highground is often an unsanitary place to to be. You may just find that your soapbox is just a tiny step away from a world of soggy argyle and self-loathing. Judge not, lest ye be judged – in this case, judged to be a bit of a wanker.

 

* Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Am just being pedantic about inaccurate reporting.

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Spooked

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So. The infamous Max Mosley affair… Well, where do I start? From the day it broke, it’s been one of those stories that gives the impression that there’s probably a lot more going on than the squalid, shouted headlines from the News of the World and its related rags would suggest. I haven’t commented until now, except just to point out that I, nor anyone outside the infamous “Nazi” session that day, really know what happened, who paid what to whom, and why. The witch-hunts continue from all angles, unabated, and the press continue not to know the difference between domination and prostitution.

The thing is, I have a theory. It could be entirely wrong, and probably is, but I feel the need to share it for the sake of balance, as it’s tunneling inside my head as I type and will keep on chewing at my brain until I put it into words. The BDSM community is being spectacularly misjudged by the public and press right now, and I’m hampered by a nagging feeling that Mistress Abi may now be being just as spectacularly misjudged by the BDSM community.

Now before you stop reading and pick up a flaming torch in protest to march up to my front door with, I make no claims that the following is what actually happened. Also, I’ve never met or spoken to Mistress Abi, and I know no more about her than anyone else who’s read the same articles in the gutter press and seen the outcry about her on message boards. Being a conspiracy theorist by nature, I’m always half convinced that nobody is ever really told anything about anything, so I find it hard to take anything in the press seriously. So, I have a theory, and I offer no guarantees that it isn’t anything more than the fevered ramblings of a fellow Pro-Domme with espionage fantasies and a natural mistrust of the newspapers.

Are you sitting comfortably (or at least as comfortably as you can while you’re still holding a flaming torch)? Then don your tinfoil hats and I’ll begin:

Firstly, a bit of background. For those outside the UK, the News of the World is the downmarket sibling of another Murdoch-run tabloid, The Sun, which itself is a step down from The Times – yet another News Corp paper, basically the same as the Sun and the News of the World in its attitudes and politics, but designed for people who can also read one or two long words – not just look at pictures of breasts, browse football scores, and get het up over biased headlines about Johnny Foreigner, the modern world, or any form of sexual deviancy.

Politically, the News of the World dresses firmly to the right. Since its first manifestation in 1843 as cheap wank-fodder for the freshly literate working classes, it has always been famed for its salacious coverage of vice prosecutions and celebrity sex scandals, offering graphic titillation under the guise of moral condemnation. It’s a trend that remains to this day, and in recent years, members of the BDSM community have been methodically “outed”, their careers and family lives ruined in an instant for the sake of a smutty, pun-based headline. Yet a new trend has emerged. In the past few months, I’ve noticed that The News of the World seems to have gone for a rather specific purge on public sector workers. Oh yes, Civil Servants – the easy scapegoats for all Britain’s ills if you’re a right-wing tabloid-guzzling halfwit.

And so, to discover that the husband of a professional Dominatrix works for MI5 must have sent the News of the World journalists into a state of pant-pissing hysteria. It’s the sort of scandal that most of Murdoch’s hacks can only dream of exposing. Yet this information has only emerged now.

It’s the general consensus in the press that it was Mistress Abi who shot and sold the incriminating video of Max Mosley. The assumption was that she did it for the money. Which, to me, never really made much sense. You see, the most successful Pro-Dommes have an unspoken code of conduct in which discretion is possibly the most important factor. To sell a story to the News of the World would be professional suicide for any woman in this industry, and of course the loss of future earnings would eclipse whatever sum the newspaper might pay. So why on earth would she do it? Well, my theory is that she may have had no choice.

I’ll reiterate that this is merely my own speculation, but there’s a possibility that the News of the World was about to expose the story about Mistress Abi’s husband being an MI5 operative, and she had to offer them Mosley to keep them quiet. And they did keep quiet, it seems. Mosley filled the column inches, Abi was demonised from every direction, but the MI5 connection was kept safely out of sight. Yet as of yesterday, the story has leaked out in other publications, and suddenly Thames House is keen to claim ignorance. Somehow, MI5 imply, this one just slipped through their stringent vetting procedures. A spouse in the sex industry would be a blackmail risk, apparently. Yet I’d have thought that a woman whose job it is to get into the heads of high profile gentlemen would be a considerable asset to MI5. And perhaps she was. Or not. We’ll never know.

But then, this entire theory could be a load of crap. What would I know? I’m just a Dominatrix.

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