Tag Archives: sexuality

We need to talk about porn

Here’s one hefty slice of a brilliant article by Jerome Taylor for the Independent on how it’s more practical to talk about porn than to try and ban it:

“…Debates on porn are often passionate. What was considered pornographic in the 1970s, when conservatives blamed Playboy magazine for a third of divorces in the United States, would barely raise an eyebrow now. And when the internet brought porn into our homes en masse in the late 1990s, doomsayers predicted society’s moral collapse – even as rates of divorce, abortion, teen pregnancies and sexual violence fell across Western nations. Yet parental concerns remain entrenched and politicians are more than happy to tap into our fears that we risk sleepwalking towards a society addicted to silicone-enhanced sex. In the recent Republican primary debates, candidates virtually tripped up over themselves to be toughest on smut with Rick Santorum suggesting a complete ban on pornography.

The UK debate is less shrill but shows no signs of fading as parents fret about what children get up to online. The debate focuses on who is responsible for stopping children and teenagers from accessing porn. Should internet service providers force customers to “opt-in” to unrestricted access, or should the onus be on parents to keep an eye on what their children are up to online?

One of the few areas where both sides of the argument agree is the huge accessibility of porn compared to the days when top-shelf magazines, peep-shows and blackmarket videos were the only way teenagers could get visual titillation.

Around a third of all web traffic is now porn-related with various studies suggesting up to two-thirds of men and one- third of women under 50 regularly view erotica. There is little doubt teenagers can access porn like never before. Depending on the study you read, between 40 to 80 per cent of 10- to 17-year-olds have viewed porn, mainly through smartphones and home computers.

But there is far less consensus about the effect porn has on society and our children. Specialists and rehabilitation centres say the palpable increase in adults and teenagers seeking help for porn addiction cannot be ignored.

“Feedback from our counsellors shows that we are seeing more and more people for whom pornography is impacting on their relationship,” says Kim Atkins, from the counselling charity Relate.

Successive studies have shown that violent or abusive porn makes up only a fraction of what is available on the internet and yet concerns abound that an entire generation of children are growing up to believe that anal sex, threesomes and bondage form part of an everyday physical relationship.

Yet research suggests we might not be giving teenagers the credit they deserve in being able to differentiate between fact and fantasy. A recent study of 73 middle-class Swedish teens in the Journal of Sex Research – one of only a few papers to explore teenage porn use in the age of smartphones – found most participants “had the ability to distinguish between pornographic fantasies on the one hand, and real sexual interactions and relationships on the other”.

Paula Hall, a founder member of the Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity (Atsac), agrees. “To suggest that teenagers can’t tell the difference is insulting their intelligence. They can watch violent DVDs and know that’s not how you behave… Porn is cartoon sex and the vast majority of teens see that. But for those who have a predisposition to addictions, they have access to this drug, if you like, with no education or awareness that it can become a problem.”

Rather than try to ban pornography or shut down the internet – both of which are all but impossible – many believe parents and schools must become more proactive at educating children about pornography and consensual sex. A recent survey by Psychologies magazine found only 25 per cent of parents talked to their children about porn.

Simon Blake, chief executive of Brook, a charity that provides sexual health advice to teenagers, says: “Parents should be talking to young people about pornography because they will always want to find out about sex.”

Paula Hall says: “The internet has a darker side. But it can also be a very safe place to work out and understand your sexuality. Above all it’s about education.”

Full article here.

Beta Tested

Here’s a snippet from Ms Tytania’s insightful response to a somewhat misguided article at SheLovesSex.com about the perks of finding a “beta male”.

“…Gentlemen: I’ve read many times about the shy, sociably inept male who describes himself as beta, a substitute for “submissive”. If you think that submissiveness means being a useless, unworldly child in search for a mother substitute, then you got it all wrong. Even today, it takes a lot of courage for most men to acknowledge that they don’t want to be testosterone-led beasts. In my experience, rugger-buggers take it up the arse from a lady and IT geeks have stables of panting slave girls. And none of them are alpha nor beta.

This article validates choosing second best, perpetuates clichés of school jocks and geeks (very American), and tells you that being the most popular girl at school is an aspiration that you should bring into your adult life. And that if you can’t keep a jock to parade on your arm, grit your teeth and walk tall in the company of that boy who isn’t that great, but if he likes you and appreciates you, you should reward him with the joys of your poon. A woman should be grateful for any validation she can get, from anyone, and anywhere. Sexual validation, and in great quantities, is key.

Feminism? I don’t think so.”

Ms Tytania’s full blog post here.

Bondage for Freedom

Upmarket erotic emporium “Coco de Mer” was founded by Sam Roddick, whose interview appeared in the Observer this weekend. The shop sells expensive but achingly beautiful items of lingerie and bondage equipment (so, if anyone fancies buying me a present… hintity hint…?) As the daughter of the late Anita Roddick, Body Shop proprietor and pioneer of ethical consumerism – and Gordon Roddick who co-founded the Big Issue – Sam is continuing her parents’ legacy of human-rights activism. The sale of classy kink-fodder is combined with campaigns for sexual education and health for the young, gender equality, an end to sex-trafficking and, working alongside Oxfam, Roddick is fighting the epidemic of sexual violence in war-ravaged Congo. She is also an advocate of sex-positive Feminism – a kind of Feminism that “comes with a pair of really lacy knickers”. If you can afford it, this is kink for a good cause.

Here is part of the description of one particular product from the website:

“Bondage for Freedom is the Activist arm of Coco de Mer.

This set is comprised of a silk satin blindfold with the words “the only real freedom is freedom from fear” and a silk satin wrist restraint inside a cotton drawstring bag. All profit goes to charity.

Bondage for Freedom is a collective of cutting edge creative thinkers whose goal is to provide a FREE creative service for organizations that are fighting for human or environmental rights.

This ever-growing community of geniuses and outlaws are creating irresistible and inspiring films, music and live interactive events and exhibitions. Their goal is to instigate and encourage a tidal wave of sexy, hilarious and hard-hitting masterpieces to raise awareness, effect change and manifest shit-loads of money for non-profit organizations and causes.”

See more here.