I’ve blogged before on the marvellous Anna Span, aka Anna Arrowsmith, the porn producer who is to stand as the Liberal Democrat candidate for Gravesham in Kent. Whatever your political proclivities, you can’t help but admire her work – whether it’s campaigning for the rights of her potential constituents, or opposing the British Board of Film Classification over arcane censorship rulings. She’s an inspiration, in every way.

Mark Thompson of excellent Liberal blog “Mark Reckons” interviewed Mrs Arrowsmith last month. When I asked if I could link to it here, he told me I could, and added: “I was particularly pleased to be able to discuss female ejaculation in an interview with a parliamentary candidate!”

Right-click and download the Mp3 of the interview here, or click here to go to the blog itself and listen on the audio player.

After a lovely day House-Mistressing at the Luxe Femdom Party in Leicestershire I’ve returned, refreshed and revived, to my usual soapbox. I know I’ve prattled on about the ironies and contradictions in the Professional Domination industry before, but a thread started by a sub caught my attention at Dommes.co.uk and I just couldn’t ignore it:

“Noticed recently that the Dommes online have become unwilling to really get to know or chat to anyone that cant do the transaction NOW , not just here but on many other sites as well its like its just turned into a big business , i been online over 10 yrs now and in the past i found eveyone more willing to chat and get to know each other money did’nt come into it , but know its just meet a new Domme online and if you cant pay NOW then go away !!! dont get me wrong i enjoy findom , it has its place but jesus i dont know these people , i have had great times chatting to some great Dommes over the years and have over time really felt close to them and with that brings the tributes of adoration , not anymore its just i dont want to waste my time can you afford 100 a week if not do one byeeeeeeeeeee”

A Domme called Princess Megan quickly replied in defence of the Pro-Dommes:

“Not everyone is like that, there are many, but not everyone. I chat to a lot of subs/slaves online on forums etc, as do many of my domme friends… The online dommes of us often only tribute for one on one time.”

Other subs then replied in resounding agreeement with the first:

“i agree totally with the original poster. if you ask a Domme these days how they are, they seem to reply “fine. tribute me slave”. To me those arent real Dominant women.”

…And:

“Some “dommes” are just greedy, money grabbing little parasites, who think they should get paid for taking a photograph of themselves holding up a finger, and then posting it on the web… And then you get the likes of Princess Megan and many, many others on sites like this. These are proper Ladies who treat subs with a bit of respect and earn devotion and worship because of it.” *

*Yikes!

“i met a Domme on another site just last night a beautifull woman she was and in the chat room she was very Dominant , but in pvt chat these were her words ” Do you think i get turned on by this ? do you think i enjoy watching fat nerds shove things up there arses ? do you ? i get thousands of emails every week , i just pick the ones offering money would’nt you ? if your not rich then go away and stop playing kid ” it went into a small discussion were i told her i thought she was not really a Domme if it did’nt turn her on a little , she told me i was wrong and to come back when i can afford $100 a week STEADY she called it , its not the way it should be surely , ohh and thanks Mistress Megan for your reply it gave me a little boost to think there still is women out there who enjoy femdom”

I know that there are women out there who only Domme for money, and women who specialise in FinDom, but there’s a huge danger of oversimplification here. If you assume that any woman who charges is a fake, then this whole industry is doomed.

For most Pro-Dommes, this is a passion and a vocation, but as well as a lifestyle, it’s also a livelihood. During the recession, we’ve all been suffering financially, but I’ve noticed that a lot of men who would have requested sessions in the past are now asking to date me, as if this’ll be a cheaper option in the long run! When I politely decline their offer of boyfriendhood, I’m greeted with the standard “oh, well you can’t be a real Domme then” response. The assumption is that if I really enjoyed Femdom, I’d be thrilled to entertain and coddle them on an exclusive, full-time, voluntary basis, despite eventually having to live in a cardboard box as a result.

Many women on the scene, especially those who do this for a living, are bombarded by onliners who crave a huge amount of time and attention and whose kinks don’t necessarily match her own. If she doesn’t want to spend all her time giving out freebies to strangers in cyberspace, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s only in it for the money.

We don’t accuse accountants of not being “true” accountants if they don’t jump at the chance of filling out our tax returns as a personal favour. Surgeons aren’t struck off if they prefer not to knock out a few implants, transplants and miscellaneous-ectomies in their spare time. If a professional sprinter chooses to get a lift to the race track instead of running all the way there, do we scoff at his or her lack of dedication to the sport? Just because Pro-Domination is so inextricably linked to the intimate urges, emotions and responses of all involved, does this mean that it shouldn’t be treated as a career as legitimate as any other?

Here’s EchoNews.com’s Diana Burstall completely misunderstanding the Femdom dynamic. I plan to read “Whip Smart: A Memoir” by Melissa Febos at some point. From what I gather, it’s a dark, harrowing, but beautifully written account of a young woman’s time spent battling addiction and doing a lot of things that she didn’t want to do in exchange for money. What it isn’t is “what a dominatrix actually does.”

So, on that note, here’s the disappointingly naive review by Diana Burstall for EchoNews:

“I don’t know what made me choose this book… a mild curiosity as to what a dominatrix actually does? The clever, catchy title? This memoir comes with a warning from me. THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED!

Set in New York, it’s honest, detailed, and poetically well written – Febos is also a top uni student. She describes a job servicing men’s desires to be verbally and physically humiliated, punished, bound, tortured, and other extreme sexual fantasies including many involving bodily excretions.

After reading some sections, I felt I needed a good scrub down in the shower. The sad part is most of these fantasies originate with cruel and unusual punishments doled out by mothers to their toddlers, ‘Mean Mommie’ being one of the most popular role plays.

The first few chapters were so overwhelming in their grossness I wondered if this book would ever deliver on the cover blurb of her emergence from her double life (it did, eventually). This job was not taken because of drugs nor stopped when drug use stopped, as Febos slowly became sucked into this underworld herself, using it to explore the far reaches of her own personality. You feel the dirty black tentacles of depravity seeping into her mind and body. Many times I felt I had to put this book down and walk away to avoid contamination myself. Powerful writing.

She has a great turn of phrase: “My perspective shifted so violently, the bookshelf might have spun around, transporting me from a library to a bat cave.”

Her therapist’s explanation “… resounded like a long lovely note expanding into the silence that follows it. Unexpected truth does this…”

And this gem: “Real trauma is like a giant hunk of scar tissue that the rest of your life accommodates, grows around. It changes the shape of you, of everything that happens after it.”

This is an analytical study of one very intelligent woman’s mind as she struggles to feel truly empowered. Much of what she says about the compulsion to control events in her own life will have resonance, but few would choose the path she took. Anyone who thinks being a dominatrix might be fun – you know, high heels, whips and all that leather – should read this.”

Actually, Diana… they should read this.