After a lovely day House-Mistressing at the Luxe Femdom Party in Leicestershire I’ve returned, refreshed and revived, to my usual soapbox. I know I’ve prattled on about the ironies and contradictions in the Professional Domination industry before, but a thread started by a sub caught my attention at Dommes.co.uk and I just couldn’t ignore it:

“Noticed recently that the Dommes online have become unwilling to really get to know or chat to anyone that cant do the transaction NOW , not just here but on many other sites as well its like its just turned into a big business , i been online over 10 yrs now and in the past i found eveyone more willing to chat and get to know each other money did’nt come into it , but know its just meet a new Domme online and if you cant pay NOW then go away !!! dont get me wrong i enjoy findom , it has its place but jesus i dont know these people , i have had great times chatting to some great Dommes over the years and have over time really felt close to them and with that brings the tributes of adoration , not anymore its just i dont want to waste my time can you afford 100 a week if not do one byeeeeeeeeeee”

A Domme called Princess Megan quickly replied in defence of the Pro-Dommes:

“Not everyone is like that, there are many, but not everyone. I chat to a lot of subs/slaves online on forums etc, as do many of my domme friends… The online dommes of us often only tribute for one on one time.”

Other subs then replied in resounding agreeement with the first:

“i agree totally with the original poster. if you ask a Domme these days how they are, they seem to reply “fine. tribute me slave”. To me those arent real Dominant women.”

…And:

“Some “dommes” are just greedy, money grabbing little parasites, who think they should get paid for taking a photograph of themselves holding up a finger, and then posting it on the web… And then you get the likes of Princess Megan and many, many others on sites like this. These are proper Ladies who treat subs with a bit of respect and earn devotion and worship because of it.” *

*Yikes!

“i met a Domme on another site just last night a beautifull woman she was and in the chat room she was very Dominant , but in pvt chat these were her words ” Do you think i get turned on by this ? do you think i enjoy watching fat nerds shove things up there arses ? do you ? i get thousands of emails every week , i just pick the ones offering money would’nt you ? if your not rich then go away and stop playing kid ” it went into a small discussion were i told her i thought she was not really a Domme if it did’nt turn her on a little , she told me i was wrong and to come back when i can afford $100 a week STEADY she called it , its not the way it should be surely , ohh and thanks Mistress Megan for your reply it gave me a little boost to think there still is women out there who enjoy femdom”

I know that there are women out there who only Domme for money, and women who specialise in FinDom, but there’s a huge danger of oversimplification here. If you assume that any woman who charges is a fake, then this whole industry is doomed.

For most Pro-Dommes, this is a passion and a vocation, but as well as a lifestyle, it’s also a livelihood. During the recession, we’ve all been suffering financially, but I’ve noticed that a lot of men who would have requested sessions in the past are now asking to date me, as if this’ll be a cheaper option in the long run! When I politely decline their offer of boyfriendhood, I’m greeted with the standard “oh, well you can’t be a real Domme then” response. The assumption is that if I really enjoyed Femdom, I’d be thrilled to entertain and coddle them on an exclusive, full-time, voluntary basis, despite eventually having to live in a cardboard box as a result.

Many women on the scene, especially those who do this for a living, are bombarded by onliners who crave a huge amount of time and attention and whose kinks don’t necessarily match her own. If she doesn’t want to spend all her time giving out freebies to strangers in cyberspace, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s only in it for the money.

We don’t accuse accountants of not being “true” accountants if they don’t jump at the chance of filling out our tax returns as a personal favour. Surgeons aren’t struck off if they prefer not to knock out a few implants, transplants and miscellaneous-ectomies in their spare time. If a professional sprinter chooses to get a lift to the race track instead of running all the way there, do we scoff at his or her lack of dedication to the sport? Just because Pro-Domination is so inextricably linked to the intimate urges, emotions and responses of all involved, does this mean that it shouldn’t be treated as a career as legitimate as any other?