My earlier comment about St George was retweeted by literally fuckloads of strangers off the internet and has, as a result, made the front page of Twitter! Ultimately, this is of no consequence whatsoever, but it’s also the BEST THING I’VE EVER ACHIEVED! Click the image below to see the entire screenshot, courtesy of Angelica.

(If you don’t know what Twitter is, then don’t worry your pretty little head over it.)

For those of you who haven’t seen Kick-Ass, there is a character called Hit Girl. She is awesome. There has been much controversy in the press about the idea that this fictional child could beat the toughest of the bad guys, kill without mercy, and spout a few swear words whilst doing so, but the biggest fuss seems to be about the fact that she’s female.

With very few exceptions, strong female characters in fiction end up cast as buxom, smouldering, scissor-thighed fuck-bombs. If they defeat their male counterparts, it tends to be through a combination of tight outfits, panting and straddling. It’s not that I disagree with the depiction of women utilising the power of sex to their own advantage. It’s just disappointing that it’s the only power they’re ever shown to have. Male characters don’t have to give an orgasmic gasp each time they throw a punch. Why should women?

However, unlike nearly all other female protagonists in movie history, Hit Girl is portrayed in an entirely asexual way. She has the flat-chested, rectangular-bodied androgyny of the average pre-teen and, accordingly, her clothes are practical rather than revealing. Like Ripley in the Alien series, the narrative concentrates on her mental and physical strength as a character, rather than becoming preoccupied with whether or not male viewers will find her sexually arousing.

Kick-Ass’ screenwriter Jane Goldman, who adapted the story from its original comic book format, found Hit Girl an inspiring character: “I found it astonishing when [the studio] came back to us saying that they thought it would be less offensive if Hit Girl were an older teenager. Because to me, it would have been a great deal more offensive if she was a sexualised character. I think that would have been extremely offensive. I think what’s so strong about Hit Girl is that she’s not there to be sexual… Usually when they talk about there being a strong female character, they mean she’s got a gun and shoots people, but she’s probably also got her boobs on display and is there to look attractive.”

To their credit, many of the critics have picked up on this fact except, bafflingly, Christopher Tookey of the Daily Mail who branded the film “evil”. He states that Kick-Ass “breaks one of the last cinematic taboos by making the most violent, foul-mouthed and sexually aggressive character, Hit-Girl, an 11-year-old… The movie’s writers want us to see Hit-Girl not only as cool, but also sexy… One of the film’s creepiest aspects is that she’s made to look as seductive as possible…”

Wait, what? What?! I’m not sure which aspects of Hit Girl Tookey found sexy or seductive, but if that’s what floats his boat then I’d assume that it’s not the film that’s at fault but something far more personal to him. He goes on to talk about how “exploitative” it is to portray her in “a classic schoolgirl pose” for one scene. The thing is, a school uniform is only kinky when worn by an adult in a role-play scenario. When worn by a child, it’s just… well, it’s just a school uniform.