I was recently asked by a gent whether I considered ballbusting to be a “feminist” activity. Well, that’s a complicated one to answer, and all depends upon the individuals involved. A common misconception frames feminism as the hatred of men by women. This is far from true. And of course, feminism isn’t about scoring points of personal revenge on a patriarchal society by kicking some bloke in the nads. That seems an anathema to the entire concept of feminism – which, after all, is about equality and mutual respect, not taking out all the gender-based injustices of human history on one individual’s blameless bollocks.

However, when it comes to kink, if ballbusting is your mutually-enjoyed hobby of choice, whether you’re the buster or the bustee, then of course it can be a feminist activity. Kink and feminism collide in many ways, and both are often misunderstood and misrepresented. Here’s a sizeable chunk of a brilliant article at FeministsForChoice.com about feminism in BDSM:

“…When it comes to feminism and sex I maintain one basic rule: it should be mutually pleasurable for all parties—this includes open, clear, honest communication (speaking and listening), as well as thoughtful reduction of physical, mental, and emotional risks. Bondage, power play, domination/submission, and BDSM can fit into this when it is enacted in a relationship where desires are openly discussed and some clear boundaries have been set. Enjoying domination in the bedroom by a caring or thoughtful sex play partner, does not mean you have sold out your feminist values; it does not mean you think that domination should be carried out in systematically oppressive structures world over.

When you dig below the surface, BDSM at it’s best is feminist-friendly because it allows for mutually consenting partners to play out fantasies and desires that satisfy all involved. (The New England Leather Alliance has put together a fantastic safer sex introduction to BDSM.)

BDSM is frequently characterized as one person (or many) restraining, abusing, or hurting another against that person’s will. In fact for the most ethical practitioners of bondage and BDSM (that would be most practitioners), those involved have already had open discussions regarding their boundaries and established the expectations of the scene. They have also established safe words, that will stop the action whenever they are uttered. In fact, safe words assure that whomever is being dominated maintains the power and control to stop a scene at any time—they might be one of the most feminist sexual tools ever invented…”

Read the full article here.