Last weekend was a busy one. I spent Friday night putting on a show with Ms Tytania (see the previous “guns and rubber” shoot we did at a disused police station in Deptford earlier this year). This performance also involved replica firearms, a beautiful man being dragged around by his hair, and a lot of general Emma-Peel-ery from Ms Tytania and me, but this time it was performed at a nightclub in Vauxhall. The combination of highly realistic guns and strap-on dildos in our luggage made the conversation with the doormen rather more interesting than they’d expected when it was time to go through the metal detector at the entrance to the club.

“Is that real?” gasped one chap, gazing into the bag.

“Nah,” I shrugged. “It’s silicone.”

Still, he let us through with all our weaponary anyway.

The next morning, I headed to Camden for The UK Mistresses Annual Charity Bash, organised by the truly brilliant Mistress Sapphire. For five and a half exhausting but satisfying hours, the other Dommes and I caned, spanked, and ate vol-au-vents with a selection of charming gentlemen to raise money for a music therapy charity and a cats’ and dogs’ home in Bath. I’ve no idea how much dosh we actually made, but a report from Mistress S is sure to manifest in the near future. An evening with Dr and Mrs Blackthorn of Bizarre Magazine followed, as did a lot of booze and an impressive hangover that has lasted the rest of the week.