Yes. I know. It’s that uniform thing again. I was trying to explain this to a friend over the weekend, after we had stopped at a petrol station and parked behind a police car. It was cold. The female officer breathed steam into the night air, and we made eye contact, just for a second, as she crossed the forecourt.

“She’s got a big arse,” said my friend.

“Nah,” I explained. “It’s the trousers. That postwoman cut. It’s the way the uniform’s made. It androgynises. Makes the body look kind of shapeless. Sexless. Somehow, I find that more attractive than if they put her in a Jessica Rabbit dress that showed everything off. Her curves are hidden by the institution she works for, which just – kind of – makes them more tempting. You know? It’s the lure of the forbidden that gets me.”

“It’s the handcuffs,” he said.

I gave a slow, contemplative nod, watching her pay the garage attendant. “Yeah. That too.”

Anyway, here’s WPC Birch from The English Mansion. Her uniform hasn’t got the regulation shapelessness of the real thing, but there are some lovely photos of her carrying out a spot of police brutality on a hapless chap here, as well as a couple of free porny femdom videos thrown in to keep you occupied. You have the right to remain silent.