It’s a question I’ve been asked on many an occasion by clients and potential clients, and one I don’t have a simple answer for. It’s a legitimate enquiry, and something that every straight-talking sub has a right to ask a professional Mistress. In this industry, we’ve all heard it at one time or another, haven’t we?
“DO YOU DO SEX?”
Well, do we? Firstly, what is sex? Bill Clinton had a hell of a time trying to define “sex” whilst trying to bluster his way out of the Lewinsky affair (as well as talking himself into a conceptual cul-de-sac by also trying to define the word “is”). There was a cigar, a spunky dress, and some songs by Sarah McLachlan. But was there sex? Ten years and a lot of speculation later, the world is still not entirely sure.
Many years ago, I had a debate with two music industry executives who denied that lesbian sex counted as “proper” sex. In their opinion, real sex had to involve a man, full penetration of a cock (made of flesh, not silicone), and a messy ejaculation of sperm to conclude the proceedings. They insisted that it’s not sex if the man doesn’t cum. I asked whether they considered it sex if the woman didn’t cum. They looked blank, perplexed perhaps by the idea of a female orgasm. I informed them that the majority of my own past experiences of what they considered “proper sex” would be entirely disallowed by that criteria, leaving only the encounters that did make me cum but didn’t involve a penis or any sperm – and so what did this make me? A sexually-prolific virgin?
So anyway, back to the question of sexual activities in a Pro-Domme session. Well, this is a difficult one, and I can only speak for myself here. Many Mistresses pride themselves on the “NO SEXUAL SERVICES” rule, and this I understand. After all, under current UK law, openly advertising sexual acts for money is technically illegal and, BDSM or not, would be classed as soliciting prostitution. Yet some would argue that any fetish is, in itself, sexual – even if all sets of genitals are left squarely out of the equation. Clients often ask if I get turned on during sessions. And I do, but it’s a different kind of arousal for me. It’s not a sexual thrill. It goes far deeper. When I go into Dommespace, I feel like my head is full of thunderstorms and I become God. The power is so intense that I glow like the ReadyBrek kid and I’ll be on a buzz for hours afterwards. Yet I rarely have the urge to actually do anything sexual with the sub, or with anyone for that matter. It’s like my brain itself is charged up with energy, and my body just wants to stand serene and blaze with light. A mindgasm perhaps?
Some other Mistresses or establishments offer a varied shopping list of activities, as if a person’s fetish for submission can be satiated by ticking boxes and having each service performed by rote. Yet no matter how naturally dominant a working woman is, her relationship with each client is different, and surely being expected to perform certain services indiscriminately takes away her choice, and ultimately her power. Many of the best overtly sexual domination scenes we see online are often those where the subtle interplay has developed between partners over a long period of time. This intimate level of interaction can’t just be summoned at will as soon as a sub walks in and demands it. As soon as a Domme feels obliged to do something she doesn’t particularly want to do, or has to do it with someone she doesn’t particularly want to do it with, then surely she is no longer truly in charge? If she does something merely to please the client and not herself, then something has gone rather awry in the pecking order. And of course, there is a market for this sort of pseudo-domination. There will always be the boys who get off on finding a dominant woman and overpowering her, albeit with money or demands rather than in a physical way. And there’s nowt wrong with it, if everyone involved is happy with that arrangement. Since the beginning of time, there have been those with a fetish for flipping the Domme, and good luck to them.
But I don’t work like that. As a Dominatrix, I am averse to following the orders of anyone, least of all a client. I can’t be bought. I do exactly what I want to do, and that could be just about anything. Instead of a sub requesting a series of actions for me to carry out (yuck – as if!), I like to burrow inside his psyche and find where the sensitive spots on his mind are. And what I choose to do with them? Well, it all depends on how I’m feeling at the time. There are sessions where I torture a client with a complete lack of physical contact, using hypnosis to ramp up the frustration to an unbearable level. And then, of course, there are the sessions where the sub will leave in a state of physical collapse, for one reason or another. It’s up to me. Nobody, no matter how much money he flaps in front of me, can tell me what to do. So in conclusion, there still isn’t really a straight answer to the initial question, but all I can say is this:
Q: “DO YOU DO SEX?”
A: “Oh my dear, dear sapling, I do exactly what I want to do, and you don’t even begin to get a say in it… Understood?”
Q: “Um yes.”
A: “Yes MISTRESS, you mean!”
Q: “Argh, sorry, ouch, yes Mistress.”
A: “Good.”
