Tag Archives: psychology

Philias, Phobias, and the Cling-Film Merman

It began as a conversation with a sub. His particular kink involves confined spaces, restriction of body movement, and complete sensory deprivation. He owns an impressive collection of masks, catsuits and full-body restraints, each of which would probably make a passing claustrophobic hyperventilate on sight!

It got me thinking in a direction that I’d first pondered a number of months ago – the subtle flipside of philias and phobias. I’d been musing on the idea of getting myself trained as a professional piercer, not through any wish to change my career, but because I was fascinated by the idea of restraining and sticking needles into a willing aichmophobic. Just as the intense fear of a certain object, situation or concept can provoke a severe emotional (and often physical) reaction in some people, many of the exact same triggers bring on extreme levels of excitement in others. That almighty adrenal kick brought on by the relevant stimuli can instantly catapult a person to unbearable terror, or to shuddering, orgasmic ecstacy – or sometimes, to both responses at the same time! So often in the fetish world, phobia and philia collide in the most beautiful way…

So, with his claustrophilia in mind, I took the aforementioned sub, hooded him, bound his wrists, then tightly mummified the lower half of his nude body in clingfilm so that he couldn’t move at all. I then wandered off for a glass of wine and some chocolate cake with Mistress Cat.

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Claustrophilia

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Tough Love That Dares Not Speak Its Name

There is often an unspoken stigma attached to the idea of women dominating other women. Unlike its clear-cut vanilla counterpart, BDSM tends to spend much of its time teetering precariously on the line between sex and politics, and any consenting adult involved in the fetish of power games will be hard pushed to cum without it becoming a socio-political statement on gender and ethics.

Femdom is often seen to be solely about the empowerment of women and the degradation of men, a symbolic capsize of centuries of patriarchal rule through the medium of a PVC-clad minx dressing her boyfriend in frilly pink knickers, smacking his pallid flesh about a bit, mocking his body, kicking him the nuts, and sitting squarely on his terrified face until he apologises for the atrocities committed by his forefathers.

Which, despite being a far cry from Emeline Pankhurst and the Suffragettes, it is a lot of fun nonetheless, and rather exciting for both parties.

Yet I also dominate women. And I enjoy it immensely. There. I’ve said it. The scenes I often like to watch in porn are those where one woman overpowers another. And, bear in mind that this is not a sappy, simpering submissive woman who is being intimidated either – she will invariably be older, tougher perhaps, and be reluctantly overpowered by another female. As well as my ordinary state as a woman who dominates men, I really, really like to dominate strong, powerful women. Especially those who fight back. It turns me on to see an otherwise dominant woman in peril (see “The Prelude”). Any yet I still feel that I should somehow be ashamed of this…

Just what does this mean? I am confident in my role as Dominatrix, but are my peripheral kinks conspiring against me to contradict my ordinary urges through a desire to sexually dominate the very women I respect, admire, and adore the most? Is my involuntary arousal a subconscious betrayal of the sisterhood? Has the concept of feminism failed to reach as far as my cunt?

It’s a striking anomaly in the otherwise logical filing system of my sexual psyche. My other kinks relate, even tentatively at least, to my relationships with people in my non-sexual world. All except this one. I genuinely love women. I have no quarrel with any of the women I’ve met, and wish them no harm. Some ladies see other females as a threat, or as rivals, or as opponents in some ludicrous competition for male attention. Which, let’s face it, is pointless. I’m not like that. By default, any woman I meet is an ally and a friend.

Yet I lay my political beliefs aside, temporarily, for something that’s a massively powerful turn-on for me. My conclusion? I’m very, very shallow.

Devils and Gods

ONE THING ABOUT RELIGION is that it makes people afraid of themselves. The recommendation from most mainstream religions seems to be that one should segregate aspects of one’s own personality and deny the parts that don’t quite equate with the righteous ideal, giving these cerebral offcuts a life of their own, personifying them, and distancing one’s *true* self from them. Evangelical Christians have often informed me that I’m full of demons and should get myself exorcised. In reality, humans are constructed as much of these metaphorical demons as they are of anything else, and to attempt to remove them would be as futile as trying to shake off an arm or a leg with the theory that it isn’t *really* yours. My normal response is this (normally in a raised voice as they’ve started gibbering in tongues by this point): “Don’t hassle my demons! I like them! It’s them who make me good at sex!”

Tori Amos recently penned a song called “Devils and Gods” that appears to stride purposefully in the same general direction:
“Devils and Gods now that’s an idea
But if we believe that it’s They who decide
That’s the ultimate detractor of crimes
‘cause Devils and Gods
They are You and I
Devils and Gods
They are You and I
Devils and Gods
Safe and Inside”

Look, listen and purchase American Doll Posse by Tori Amos
tori amos