Well, it’s been quite a busy week. My car has been buried in an enormous pile of snow so I’ve been stranded for two days, my narcoleptic laptop went in for repair, and my phone broke, but I can joyfully announce that I’ve stopped smoking, having put out my ceremonial final cigarette on the erect penis of a happy chap at Club Pedestal.

Anyway, in the run-up to Valentine’s Day, the majority of us will be feeling an extra twinge of frustration, rage and self-loathing, so the ladies at Humiliatrix.com have set up an amusing little project to cheer us all up. The Thirteen Days of Denial are the perfect treat for those gentlemen who like to celebrate their own inadequacy, and those ladies who like to have a good giggle at their expense. Click here for almost a whole fortnight of glorious cocklock.