Category Archives: BLOGGERY: politics, religion & brain purges……

Expo

The porn industry is constantly changing. As a result of technological trends and the current global economic shitstorm, it’s changing faster than ever. It’s at times like this that performers must fight to keep their autonomy, both in business and and body. As a dominatrix, I’m lucky. I get to sidestep most of the chaps who assume I owe their erection my attention because of what I do for a living. The BDSM world is not perfect by any means, but the majority of those who approach me as submissives tend to have a sense of respect and consent. This is often lacking in men who stumble into my world via more traditional mainstream titillation.

Here’s part of a brilliant and slightly heartbreaking article by Amanda Hess for Slate Magazine about the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas:

“…When David Foster Wallace chronicled porn’s biggest fan show back in 1998—at the height of VHS and DVD sales—he observed a sweaty, trembling mass of shy guys who appeared both thrilled and ashamed to make first contact with their favorite pornographic actors. But the Internet crumbled all that, and last year I watched a man wait 30 minutes to grope a porn star’s breasts and announce, “That’s going on Facebook later!” Another languished in line to see if his favorite star was nice; act too aloof, and “I’ll never want to see her again,” he told me. “Not even in porn.”

In an age when every conceivable permutation of pornography is immediately accessible for free online, the power dynamic between viewer and star has shifted. Most porn viewers are still quietly accessing the material from the privacy of their own homes, but because it’s so easy to get, the reverence has faded. And when a man actually uses up his vacation days, books a plane ticket to Las Vegas, secures a hotel room off the strip, and drops between $35 (one-day access) and $325 (the VIP treatment) to celebrate porn in person, he is no longer content to gawk at a porn star standing on a pedestal. He expects an intimate affair…”

I recommend reading the full article here.

expo

The Great Porn Experiment

Here’s a really interesting TED Talk video about your brain on porn, the Coolidge effect, possible addiction to arousal and the novelty of novelty when it comes to internet wank-fodder. Thanks to the excellent Brain Pickings for this. Click here for the accompanying article and another video about the science behind orgasms.

No More Mr Nice Guy

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post about Nice Guy submissives. The Nice Guys of OK Cupid public humiliation blog has recently brought the “Nice Guy” back to the forefront of some internet discussions, and I’ve seen many an online debate in the past week about exactly why Nice Guys are not nice guys. In short, it comes down to the same thing that most things in BDSM (and relationships in general) do: the enthusiastic consent of all parties involved.

Now I’m not talking about actual nice guys here, but “Nice Guys”. We’ve all met them. We might have been one at one time or another. You might even be one right now without realising it. There has been a lot of confusion over exactly how one would define a Nice Guy as opposed to a nice guy. Here’s a simple way to differentiate:

If the woman you desire as a girlfriend, dominatrix or full-time amateur therapist has specified that she just wants to be friends, nothing more intimate, intense or physical, is this because:

a: she doesn’t fancy you, want BDSM play with you or want to give every bit of her attention to you and, although you might find this painful, you will respect her choices, accept the offer of friendship or move on? 

b: you’re obviously too nice, and she’s just a vindictive, bastard-loving idiot like all women/dommes/humans and therefore ignores nice guys, and anyway, why the hell doesn’t she value your 200 text messages a day telling her how important she is to you and therefore reply to every single one in detail (even if she won’t give you any of the sexy playtime that you clearly deserve for having to put up with her friendship) and if you sulk just enough and express quiet resentment at any attention she gives her other people in her life she will probably change her mind eventually and realise she needs nobody at all except a nice guy like YOU, the stupid bitch?

If you answered a, you’re a nice guy. This is a good thing. If you answered b, you’re a Nice Guy. This is not a good thing.

I’m sure most of us, at some point, have wanted something we couldn’t have. Rejection hurts, but it’s up to all of us not to be an arse about it. I would strongly recommend that you read this brilliantly sympathetic blog post by Girl On The Net about what to do if you think you might be, have been, or know a Nice Guy. Click here to read “On nice guys, hard truths, and the Friend Zone”.