The marvellous Kitty Stryker, aka PurrVersatility, has written a moving article on “the value of a male submissive”. It is both an adoring tribute to her own beloved, beautiful sub, and a critique of mainstream – and especially commercial – Femdom.
Does our kink really devalue its males to such an extent? It’s a complex issue. Personal BDSM relationships can often take very different forms from the kind of interactions experienced in a fetish video, club or party, though the two aren’t exclusive. It’s all down to the personal preferences of those involved. There are often couplings (or groupings) who share a deep and intimate relationship on an emotional level, as well as a mutual kink. There are also the stereotypically aloof Dominatrices who like to humiliate or even dehumanise their subs, and the subs who thrive on this kind of treatment. As long as everyone involved is happy with their own situation, whether in either of the extremes above or any of the spectrum of relationships and interactions between the two, Femdom can be a positive experience.
What much of the article comes down to are the aesthetic values of Femdom. In many Femdom scenarios, women are perceived as beautiful, and their male minions are humiliated and belittled for their physical appearance. I’m sometimes guilty of this myself. After all, what better way to humble a man than to temporarily force him into conformity – albeit in a tongue-in-cheek way – to an unrealistic template for body and behaviour, just as women experience from the media and society in general on a daily basis?
(Popular opinion states that porn is the most harmful and degrading industry for women. Yet much of the world’s economy is funded by making females feel bad about themselves. Mainstream magazines are filled with photos of celebrities, each adorned with a caption telling us who looks too fat, thin, old, tired, slutty or frumpy, beside endless adverts for diets, surgeries, cosmetics and clothes that promise to make our lives better if we throw money at them. When it comes to industries that profit from the degradation of women, porn should be the least of our worries.)
However, is it right to subject men to similar jibes, even just in the course of fantasy role-play? Well, it depends on the men. As with any situation, consent is the key. Humiliation is fine, if both (or all) parties are into this. However, in Femdom it should also not be seen as taboo to portray men as beautiful, sexual creatures, whether sub or otherwise.
That’s why I adore publications like Filament Magazine, which caters solely to the female gaze, and websites like Arrow of Adonis and Male Submission Art that show off a variety of shapes, sizes and colours of man-flesh and personality, instead of just the blank-eyed boy-band clichés that mainstream distributors seem to assume women get off on. Today, I’m adding Kitty’s own new project Andro-Aperture to this list. By exploring diversity in images of male sexuality, both in pictures and on an intellectual level, it’s stimulating in many ways, especially if you’re fed up of expecting your subs to be useless worms and want something far more attractive to put your feet up on.
