The message board at Dommes.co.uk is an interesting place. A few days ago, I posted the blog entry “Power” with an extract from AlterNet’s Open Letter to Women. The responses were interesting. One male submissive wrote this:

“I think this must be coming from someone with an deep insecurity and jealousy toward the superior female. I am not sure if it is penned by a male who is reluctant by his standards of society to accept the inevitable about his station or by a female who has not embraced her true feminine self. Somehow i am inclined to think it is the former. How sad to think that Female supremacy comes from wearing high heels…..its actually laughable.

To even presume the superiority of all females is down to an item of clothing is actually sad. Feminine women wear feminine clothes because it accentuates what makes them dominant…their femininity. If they choose to wear a hoody over their pjs and slippers are submissive men less likely to obey and worship them….i dont think so. Not worth caring about…thats my answer.”

I couldn’t help but reply:

Did you read the whole article at AlterNet? It’s not really about the clothing but about the assumption in society that a woman is only truly powerful if she’s turning men on while she’s doing it.

You say that “feminine women wear feminine clothes because it accentuates what makes them dominant… their femininity” but isn’t that exactly the problem the writer is talking about? Is a woman’s dominance all about her sex appeal to men? Shouldn’t it be based on her own intellect and achievements, regardless of whether anyone wants to fuck her?

I often wonder what the hell I’m doing when I’m out at a fetish club, caked in make-up and squeezed into a corset and stilettos to assert my dominance over a bunch of blokes who get to crawl around comfortably in their pants and have their fantasies pandered to. I’m all for forcing men to walk around in high heels and uncomfortable, impractical outfits. It’s boiler suits and slippers for me from now on!

Conventional Femdom still bothers me, and I’m aware that I’m part of the problem. Women do use sex to manipulate men, especially in this industry, and there are times when I let it define what I do. It’s hard to be a Dominatrix without having to use feminine wiles to lure the subs in, but I still have this (optimistic, but probably unrealistic) notion at the back of my mind that my own dominance over a sub is based on something deeper and more profound than whether he fancies me.

When a dominant man succeeds in education, business or sport, other men don’t assume that this is because he is sexually attractive to women. His strength isn’t defined by whether his masculine clothes accentuate the shape of his shoulders, cock and arse, or whether his flat shoes make his manly walk irresistible to any ladies who fancy a gawp. If he can hold court in a room full of people, it’s because they’re listening to what he’s saying, not because they think he’s particularly shaggable. Why can’t the same apply to dominant women? Why does it have to be her femininity that defines her dominance?

Any thoughtful feedback on this will be welcome.