It’s something that comes up with astounding regularity – what is a “True” Dom/Domme?

Normally, my first reaction to anyone who claims to be one is to take the piss. I can’t help it. I’m guilty of joking about “twue” dominants or submissives, though I don’t tend to point this at individuals, but at the swaggering twattery of the collective kinkier-than-thou.

I’ve often encountered the assumption that a person can’t be a *real* Top if they don’t strut around in a massive cloud of braying arrogance, shouting as loudly as possible at strangers about their own skills, equipment, and which knots they’re better than everyone else in the entire universe at – and that, of course, someone isn’t a *real* bottom if they dare to speak or get up off the floor, ever.

I’ve often been accused of not being a TRUE DOMME. This is because I also do it as a job, but mostly because I’m very much aware of my flaws and insecurities, so speak of my own deity, superiority, and general Queen-of-the-World status with my tongue wedged firmly, and obviously, in my cheek. Also, beyond my bluster and wild-eyed, cackling violence, I am aware that my subs are still real people.

It is possible to be serious about BDSM without taking yourself too seriously. I’m sceptical that there could be such a thing as a “true” Dom or sub, as what constitutes “true” is entirely subjective – but if there were, I doubt it’d be the ones who spend the whole time trying to reassert exactly how “true” they are to anyone who’ll listen.