Today’s baffling porn photostory is from Amateur Transvestites. (I’ve never really understood the term “amateur” in erotica, as that would suggest that the performers are either not being paid, or just aren’t very good at whatever it is they’re supposed to be doing. Anyway, that’s not for me to judge.)

Here is the Amateur Transvestites photoset itself, but let’s concentrate on the story for now…

You see, it began a long, long time ago, back in the early 1970s when gene-splicing technology was little more than the wet dream of a mad scientist. You see, my friends, a secret experiment was taking place in an underground bunker to combine the DNA of Status Quo’s Rick Parfitt and Francis Rossi and create a shaggy-haired superbeing who could personify rhythmic pub-rock and be the best damn air guitarist in the universe! Thus, THE STEVE was born!

Years later, we join THE STEVE in his ’80s-themed studio flat, sitting awkwardly on his single bed with The Duchess of Cornwall. He is unsure how he should proceed beyond holding hands. After all, he’s never done this before. She begins by showing him a few outfits, then gets her kit off to reveal her budding boobies and – to his surprise – a small, flaccid penis. Without explanation, she then gets dressed again, this time in black undies and a pair of stockings. THE STEVE, quite unfazed by these new developments, takes this opportunity to slip into something a little less comfortable too. He rather likes his new boob-tube. Camilla insists on lacing him into a rather beautiful corset while he looks at the camera with a smile and a shrug as if to say “cuh, the scrapes I get myself into, eh?” There’s another awkward moment when Camilla ignores THE STEVE to struggle with her bra strap and he looks like he might cry. The Duchess remedies this with a big smile and a cuddle, probably saying something along the lines of: “Ooooh, you big silly! Of course I find you sexually attractive!”

Aww.