Female ejaculation has always been a sticky issue. For many years, debate has raged between medical professionals as to what’s squirted, why it’s squirted, and where it squirts from. Philosophers, psychologists and feminists have been arguing over its existence and symbolism ever since prehistoric man first had it splashed across his startled face. Yet unfathomably, the world has failed to come to any clear conclusion.

For a long time, I was scared off by an article by the agony aunt in a mid-nineties women’s magazine, who responded to a bewildered gusher’s letter by dismissing any fluid expelled during orgasm as urine. Now, being a nubile teenager at the time, I certainly wasn’t prone to stress incontinence, so what on earth was I squirting? So far, it had never happened in company, only during solo sessions, and I became terrified that I might repel (or drown) a potential lover if I let myself cum. As the result of a fashion mag journalist’s lack of research, I was left confused and rather frightened until female friends and lovers admitted (or demonstrated) the same “problem”.

If there were three things about female ejaculation that I could announce to mankind, it would be these:

1. Women’s orgasms are different to men’s. An ejaculation doesn’t always mean that she’s finished. Even if you’re chest-deep in warm, clear liquid, the most important part may still be yet to cum. The best orgasms tend to happen after the squirty part, so whatever you were doing before you had to start treading water, keep on doing it until she tells you that you can stop.

2. It’s not something that can happen on demand, and an orgasm with ejaculation isn’t necessarily any more pleasurable than one without. It just takes more mopping up afterwards, that’s all.

3. She hasn’t pissed herself. No matter what an inept ’90s agony aunt or the British Board of Film Classification say, she really hasn’t. If you’re still squeamish, get one of these.

Because I like you, here’s a hot little collection of free clips and pics from The Training of O, in which a beautiful woman called Dylan gets a thorough fisting from her ladyfriend and gushes like a fire hydrant. Just remember that it’s bad luck to open an umbrella indoors.