Some say that dreams are merely the clumsy unfurling of our subconscious innards in a slideshow of symbolic snapshots. Others say that dreaming is a spiritual state of transcendence where we astrally project ourselves to alternate planes and learn higher truths.
I say – or at least, I said when I woke up this morning – “what the fucking fuck was that all about?!”
You see, I’d just met God. It was a dream that began in an ordinarily muddled way, and I won’t bore you with a long description: a mystery disease was sweeping the country; I survived and got out of hospital, but my loved-ones were still at death’s door so I went to appeal to the Almighty for a miracle cure; basically, my own general hero complex was resurfacing – yawn – so I’ll skip to the part where I met God…
The first thing about the divine encounter that surprised me was that God was comprised of two dragonflies and a bee. The dragonflies had tiny landing lights on them, like a cross between passenger jets and fireflies, and as I called them over, the bee was the one who spoke. It asked why I had summoned it, so I explained the situation.
God sighed and explained that the Universe worked much like a rather shambolic Government organisation, and that communication between departments often got slightly scrambled in transit. Nature, God explained, was a separate aspect of the Infinite, and She worked to her own rules when it came to creating species and then wiping them out again (God illustrated the concept of “Nature” with a vision of a Pre-Raphaelite Goddess, and of a plant pushing up through a sturdy tarmac pavement). By this time, God had become a caterpillar flanked by two cats. He/She/It/They explained that misunderstandings were rife, both between humankind and the Divine, and between God, Nature, and any other individual aspects of the Universe, but that He/She/It/They would try to pass on my message and save my loved ones from needless death. By this time, God had again morphed, this time into lots of cats, and they all wandered off to intercede to Nature for me. I thanked them and went on my way.
God.