Thinking About BDSM

There are a lot of journalistic misconceptions spaffing their way round the press and social media in the week that the “50 Shades” film is being released. It’s always nice to find something that is the exact opposite of those articles. Here’s a snippet from Thinking About BDSM, by Alison Bancroft:

“…We live in a world where kink is criminalized, and sexual autonomy is circumscribed by law and pathologised by medical orthodoxy. People who practice BDSM can and do lose their jobs, their homes, and even their children, because of their sexual preferences, in a way that previously was reserved for gay men, and unmarried mothers. Under the circumstances, it’s hard to see why anyone would choose it as a lifestyle.

Except, they don’t choose it. Sexuality – what gets you off, and who and how you fuck, or not – is not a choice. It’s not just an activity, something you do. It’s something you are. Sexuality is neither genetic, nor a conscious decision. We know from psychoanalysis that sexual desire is instead a developmental process that takes place from the minute you are born, that never stops, and that occurs in the deepest, darkest and most inaccessible recesses of your mind. It is created through the encounters we all have as individuals with the world around us, with our parents initially, and later with broader social injunctions, and these encounters then mould our unconscious in ways that no-one as yet fully understands, and shapes, amongst other things, our erotic desires…”

Read the full post here.

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Liberated Males

Here’s part of another glorious article from Mistress Magpie for the New Statesman, talking about kink, masculinity and feminism:

“…When a man enters my secret room, he steps into another world, where the taboos, rules and expectations of the outside world are lifted, or bent to serve our mutual pleasure. To watch a man’s face change as he realises this, and is released from the tension of hiding his deviant fantasies – to watch him as he feels finally understood – is one of my greatest joys in life. But our shared world ends at my door. When I tell a man to strip his clothes off, I am also taking the weight of social expectations from him; and when our time together is finished, he puts his clothes on, piece by piece, and takes that weight onto his shoulders again.

Men also come to me because I seek, find, and keep their secrets. I am curious and talkative, and as a man dresses I sometimes ask him what brought him to my door. Every answer is different. Some are, of course, married, and looking for something that their wives can’t or won’t provide. Some are adrenaline junkies. Many men are too shy or awkward, or simply too busy to find a partner, let alone one who shares an interest in kink. But nearly every one of them tells me that being kinky – being different at all – is something that he has to hide from everyone he knows.

That reason is precisely why my job exists. There is a market for my confidential services because if a man publicly steps outside the boundaries of what society permits, he is no longer seen as a man. It’s not just simple sexual gratification that a client seeks from a sex worker, but also an opportunity to explore a sexuality that is socially forbidden. If a man wants to be penetrated, or vulnerable, or to serve and be controlled by a dominant partner, or if he expresses traits society characterises as feminine, he is ostracised and bullied. The ideal woman that he is socialised to pursue seems an impossible dream to him, and, sometimes, an alien one. And so, he sublimates his sexuality, compartmentalises it and hides it; and he comes to see me…”

Full article here.

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Kinky Christmas Cards

GO HERE to buy blank cards with Ms Slide’s kinky artwork (or non-kinky if you prefer) printed on them.

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